


Seeing Stars

by asingerofsongs, MayGlenn



Series: Stars and Skies [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bisexual Finn, Capoiera in space, Enthusiastic and Informed Consent, Feelings, First Kiss, Gambling, M/M, Matchmaker BB-8, Pansexual Poe Dameron, Pining, Poe Admits His Feelings, Poe is way overprotective, Sparring, Stormtrooper Sex Ed, Tattoos, The First Order Is Shitty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-24 22:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6168742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asingerofsongs/pseuds/asingerofsongs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayGlenn/pseuds/MayGlenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn smiled. "Can't risk breaking that beautiful nose, right?" he said, then bumped Poe's shoulder with his own.  "Want to spar?" he asked innocently.</p><p>Poe rolled his eyes, flushed and grinning and thrilled slightly at how everyone seemed to consider them already an "item": something about if everyone else thought it existed, maybe he could pretend it did, too (but without pressing Finn into anything he was in no way prepared to commit to).</p><p>When he finally moved onto the mat, everyone cheered slightly. He stripped out of his greasy flight suit and toed off his boots.</p><p>"Okay, Finn, you gonna let me kick your ass in front of all these people?" he asked, bouncing loosely and watching Finn, waiting for him to make the first move.</p><p>"Let you try, anyway," Finn said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Poe and Finn ended up sharing a bed for some time after, as Finn got healthier and stronger, and since there were no more night terrors—for either of them, Poe was relieved to discover—they kept up the arrangement as a sort of unspoken rule. It was painfully unfair to Poe, especially when Finn learned to curl up and sprawl and sleep hugging a pillow, but his libido was _well under control_ , damn it.

It warmed his heart just to see Finn acting, well, more like a _person_ and less like a stormtrooper every day.

When Finn was well enough, they would go for walks together, and eventually jogs, and Finn would help him fix his X-Wing and do the menial duties Poe had traded the previous weeks to allow him to stay by Finn's bedside.

Eventually they started sparring on the mats, since this seemed to be something Finn liked doing, and was good at. Poe wasn't a great hand-to-hand fighter, but he could beat most of the other pilots at least and at least half of the soldiers below sergeant. On this particular day, some of the guards and ground troops were gathered around the sparring mat to watch: Finn had made fast friends with soldiers and pilots alike, and anyway everyone wanted to talk to Poe's new friend, the famous ex-Stormtrooper, Savior of the Resistance.

Poe watched, like a fond parent, as Finn squared off against a huge burly soldier, and was confidently holding his own, dodging each attempt to grapple and using the man's momentum to throw him down.

Since it was a boring, equally-matched fight, however, the crowd began to break up, and eventually the big guy (Biggs, ironically, was the name) had to go on duty, and tapped out.

"Hey, Dameron, you think your stormtrooper buddy will go easy on you today?" Jess asked him loudly, nudging him forward with an elbow.

"Oh, he always goes easy on me. Had him on the mat three days in a row," Poe said, before the rest of the pilots decided that sounded filthy. "Oh Force damn it, you people are sick!" he protested, coloring slightly as he grinned at his friend, and everyone around them laughed.

"Or he was just worried he'd give you another black eye after you walked into that door," one of the A-Wing pilots called, coming over to join Jess. That was the story they'd come up with—well, that Poe had come up with—to explain the black eye Finn had given him.

Finn smiled slightly at this. "Can't risk breaking that beautiful nose, right?" he asked, then bumped Poe's shoulder with his own.  "Want to spar?" he asked innocently.

Poe rolled his eyes, flushed and grinning and thrilled slightly at how everyone seemed to consider them already an "item": something about if everyone else thought it existed, maybe he could pretend it did, too (but without pressing Finn into anything he was in no way prepared to commit to, _why, oh, why was he so tediously heroic_?).

When he finally moved onto the mat, everyone cheered slightly. He stripped out of his greasy flight suit and toed off his boots.

"Okay, Finn, you gonna let me kick your ass in front of all these people?" he asked, bouncing loosely and watching Finn, waiting for him to make the first move.

"Let you try, anyway," Finn said, taking a completely different tack from Poe. Rather than bouncing around on his toes, he preferred to keep his footing solid, stalking around Poe just out of grabbing reach, watching for any tell-tale shifts in balance that would suggest he was about to move toward him.

Finn's eyes were intense like this. Laser-focused. Poe felt like he was naked in front of him, and that was a distracting thought so he pushed it away, watching him for sign of attack. They feinted and walked around each other for almost a minute, and the crowd began to murmur and grow bored.

"Stop flirting and get on with it!" someone shouted, and Poe glared into the crowed, barely missing a hard left hook from Finn—how the _hell_ had he closed that distance between them so fast?—which he dodged and backpedaled away from with a cry.

"Okay, okay. Eyes on the target," he corrected himself, feinting at Finn again. "Are kicks legal?"

"That's how we've been playing," someone else said.

"Good," he said, feigning a high kick but sweeping his other leg under Finn's foot, almost toppling him. He hadn’t been sure that would work, and he grinned in triumph.

Finn let his balance and momentum carry him to the ground, but instead of trying to bounce back to his feet, tucked his knees in and rolled himself backwards, out of tackling range. Only then did he stand, almost straight from his roll, and dodge another kick. He darted under a quick right hook that would certainly have dazed him and slammed his shoulder under Poe's arm, hooking his back foot while he was at it, trying to knock him down.

Poe had hoped for that, and he swung with it, getting into the literal swing of the fighting style he had grown up learning. It looked as much like a dance as sparring, and Jess and Snap had laughed at him when he first started in with it in earnest, though he could tell by how his friends were biting their lips that they knew how effective it could be. His whole body pivoted, and he jabbed a fist aimed for the side of Finn's neck into a lucky block with his arm, and then danced backward.

"What's the matter, Finn? They don't teach Stormtroopers capoiera?" he goaded, grinning at the sweat breaking out on Finn's brow.

The crowd _oohed_ and _ahhed_ , being overdramatic, just to tease him for being overdramatic.

Finn rolled his eyes fondly at Poe's bragging, dodging a kick aimed for his head by dropping the top half of his body and sliding forward on his front foot, into a tucked roll that took him past Poe and allowed him to pop up on his other side. As Poe turned, Finn swung a kick high, over Poe's head, balancing himself on his arms and dropping to his chest. Poe's knees were completely unguarded from here, and he curled to kick the back of one and grab at one of Poe's wrists, yanking him to the floor at the same moment he knocked his knee out from under him. It was a matter of taking advantage of Poe's surprise after that: he pinned one of Poe's legs against his chest and pressed an arm across his body, holding his shoulders down.

Then he grinned, stood back up, and reached a hand down to pull Poe to his feet.

"Fuck!" Poe cried, the wind knocked out of the end of his curse as he ended up on his back, Finn cocky and playful—and strong—above him. "Lucky hit," he groaned as Finn offered him a hand up, and he took it, bouncing to his feet. "Okay, I guess they _do_ teach you capoiera!" he said, feeling slightly betrayed, but determined, and actually gleeful. Poe hadn’t had anyone to practice with in a long time.

The next round had them spinning around each other, mostly feinting, trying to test the other's limits, and it looked like a dance of legs sliding around legs as they tried to trip each other (it _looked_ , probably, a lot like sex). Finn's flying spin-kick surprised Poe, and though he dodged and blocked it with a kick of his own, there was no way Poe could have expected Finn to be on the floor one second and above his head the next, and this time he ended up in a tangle of limbs and Finn's hand on his neck, on his back, and he tapped Finn's shoulder to let him up.

The crowd was laughing and cheering wildly: it was friendly jeering, of course, for Poe made it his business to be close with everyone there, and he had an easygoing enough demeanor and yet was the absolute fucking best at his job that they didn't mind—even enjoyed—watching him get knocked around on the mat as much as they liked seeing their fearless leader kicking ass in the skies. And Poe had pride, but it was based in the respect of others and didn't require the alpha male machismo act. If it did, he would make more of an effort to present as straight. It mattered, to Poe, that his men knew he was _human_. He was therefore unconcerned that this would cause dissention among the ranks, or make them lose their respect for him. On the contrary, it would be nice for them to see Finn, an outsider, in a positive light.

Still, it didn't mean Poe was going to go _easy_ on him.

"Dr. Kalonia gave you a clean bill of health, today, didn't she?" Poe scolded playfully. "And you didn't tell me. Here I thought I was going easy on you because you're recently injured, and you're at 100%!"

"Well, maybe not 100%, but I'm getting there. Another round?" Finn asked, and when Poe nodded, they squared off again. This time Finn made the first move, aiming a kick for Poe's hip that went wide when Poe danced out of his way. In return, Poe landed a punch to his ribs, and he lashed out with a foot and kicked Poe's leg out from underneath him, knocking him to the mat. But Poe managed to roll upright before he could pin him, and they both stepped back to circle for a moment.

Poe was inspired by few people more than General Leia Organa. His devotion to her and her cause was simply fanatical (it was thoughts of her that gave him any measure of resistance to Kylo Ren, and complete resistance to conventional torture) so when he saw she had arrived suddenly at the doors to the gym, unnoticed by all but him (and he had no idea how long she had been standing there), he felt a surge of energy like she was using the Force to aid him (even though he knew she didn't, she wouldn't). But it was his own knowledge of the fighting style that gave Poe this round, for as Finn came at him swinging and kicking and spinning like some sort of whirling death machine, Poe recognized a textbook move and exploited it: he jabbed his forearm into the back of Finn's head, and followed through as Finn dropped to the mat, sliding in against him in one liquid movement, legs pinned by legs, arms tangled, one hand on Finn's throat.

The crowd cheered, sounding more surprised than impressed, but Finn was still struggling, trying to buck his hold. "Hey, tap out, you know the rules," he said. "Or has all this victory gone to your head?" he growled in Finn's ear.

For the briefest of moments, Finn did what he would normally do and fought to free himself. But Poe was good at keeping him pinned, using his whole body to literally tangle them up in a knot, and he was deceptively strong, and Finn quickly realized he was going nowhere fast. Almost as quickly, he caught his mind wandering off into a number of impossible scenarios involving himself, Poe, a position rather like this one, a complete lack of clothing, and Poe's really nice bed (or not)—any one of which would once have earned him reduced rations for a week. He tapped out hurriedly, mostly to get Poe off of him, and jumped to his feet. He needed to redirect his attention from these thoughts, and fighting seemed as good an answer as any. "Again?" he asked when he'd caught his breath somewhat.

"Sure," Poe said, though he caught an odd look in Finn's eye that almost gave him feral urges—but he might have been imagining it, and he ignored it. "Ready when you are, champ," he said, and noticed Finn looking a bit tired. He _wasn't_ at 100% yet, apparently, at least in the endurance department, and so Poe pecked at him, feinting and hitting before darting back, making him more tired and desperate until Poe had Finn down again, this time face-first with one hand behind him. "Please tap out, this might re-injure your back," he begged.

Finn barely even struggled this time, both because it was a waste of energy and because he tapped out quickly just to get Poe away from him. This wasn't working—maybe if he won a round, it wouldn't be a problem, since it hadn't been earlier.  He grinned at Poe. "One more? Then I'm done, I promise," he told his friend.

The last round was a disgrace to any sort of fighting style, and really turned more into rolling about on the ground trying to pin each other than an actual fight. Finn took the brute force approach, eventually, and pinned Poe on his belly, one hand on the back of his head, fingers buried in those ridiculous curls of his, and half on top of him, keeping him pinned to the mat, albeit gently so as not to hurt him. "Gonna tap out?" he growled in Poe's ear, just as Poe had growled in his ear earlier.

When the rest of the fight was an embarrassing tangle of limbs and grunts that _definitely_ probably looked like sex, eventually Finn's greater strength and muscle mass and his lousy one inch height difference had Poe on his stomach. Which was fine, and he had been about to tap out when Finn, perhaps taking his movement as lack of acquiescence, grabbed a handful of his hair as something like a warning.

It therefore took Poe a few moments to compose himself so, "I give, I give," didn't come out as an embarrassing squeak, though he gasped a bit. No one needed to know what a turn-on that was, however, and he clamped down on it. Poe also guessed that the slight bulge resting against his back meant that Finn was enjoying this as much as he was.

"Officer on deck!" was the cry that saved them both, and as everyone snapped to attention, both men also clambered to their feet and stood upright.

"At ease," the General said, a bit wearily. "Poe, don't embarrass me like that again, please."

"No, ma'am," Poe said, flashing her a pleased grin. If anything was going to encourage him to practice his melee combat, it was the memory of that almost-glazed look in Finn’s eyes that told Poe the young ex-stormtrooper _enjoyed_ being put on his back.

"Finn, can we talk?" she asked suddenly, turning to Finn.

"Of course, ma'am," Finn answered, the buzz from sparring with Poe vanishing as suddenly as it'd appeared. Had General Organa somehow figured out what had been going through his mind just earlier? He'd become sloppy, he knew, which was another matter entirely, even if it was related to the one of his response to Poe's proximity. He shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, then followed her when she walked away.

Leia smiled at Finn as she set the pace walking back to her office. "At ease, soldier, you're not in trouble. In fact I should commend you, for putting my cocky flyboy commander in his place. Was the final score 3-2?" she asked, sounding only vaguely interested and more like this was a segue into a more important conversation: a tactic often used by the wise and powerful.

"Yes ma'am. With him, at least. I wasn't keeping score with the others, but he might know, since he was watching." 

Organa paused and half-turned to him, nodding him forward so he was walking next to her instead of partially behind. "Is your back completely healed, then?" she asked, and Finn shook his head.

"Any of them could have kicked me in the back and taken me down, but the goal was to practice, not to actually injure anyone," he answered, wondering where this was going. When they reached Organa's office, she opened the door and gestured for him to go inside.

"You're being very patient," she laughed when he stood in silence while she stared at him for several long moments, "You're a good man, Finn. I was going to ask you if you'd like to train with the pilots—and of course, you still may—but you're as good at hand-to-hand as anyone else here, and I was impressed with your work in the taking of _Starkiller_ Base, of course." She paused, and Finn wondered if she was thinking about her husband's involvement.

"It was a group effort, General," he said gently, and she nodded.

"Yes, I imagine it was." She waved a hand, as if waving away thoughts. "If you are not entirely devoted to the idea of being a pilot or a gunner, I think you would be more use to the resistance training our ground troops. You'll be required to train too, of course—I saw that, in that last round, and you'll need to work on not getting sloppy just because you're tired or frustrated—but as I said, you're one of the best we have on the base, from what I've seen."

"Yes ma'am. I mean... Yes, I think that would be fine," Finn stammered, and Organa straightened from where she'd been leaning against her desk, patting his shoulder.

"Stop looking so stunned every time I or anyone else of rank shows you respect or kindness, Finn. It's something we do here," she said gently, and he smiled in response, "We will have to work out scheduling and such, but consider yourself a member of the Resistance ground forces."

Finn nodded, his smile turning into a grin, "Thank you, ma'am." Organa gave him another measuring look and then nodded to the door behind him, the action a perfect mirror of her deceased husband. He wondered who had picked that up from whom. "Go on, go tell Poe. I'm sure he's worried I've strung you up by your toes or something similar. He always was very dramatic," she laughed, and Finn about fled the room, less to get away from Organa, and more because he really, really wanted to tell Poe what had just happened.

Poe was waiting outside the door to the General's office, bouncing from foot to foot and dressed again in his flight suit, tied around his waist. He was carrying Finn's boots, since he had walked off the mat without them, and BB-8 gossiped at him (which, fair enough, Poe returned).

"No, you heard wrong, BB. I didn't _gasp_ —" he said, standing up when Finn emerged, Leia behind him.

"You owe me five credits, Dameron," she said: "he's going to be on our ground forces."

"Damn it," Poe groaned. "General, you can't make me lose twice in one day, my ego is bruised enough," he pretended to whine, handing her the money. "Finn, you traitor. You've screwed me twice. You better buy me dinner," he teased gently. He was still a little flushed from having his hair pulled (and being teased about it by BB-8).

Finn winced at Poe's casual and joking use of the word "traitor," but forced himself to laugh it off. "I'll get you dinner, sure," he said, trailing after Poe as they headed toward the mess hall.  He was a little surprised at the direction this afternoon had taken, and was quiet while they walked, processing all of it. Did this mean he would be assigned a bunkmate, now? He'd become accustomed to sleeping in Poe's bed, and it seemed to prevent him from having nightmares, although that could also just be a result of distance from what had caused them in the first place. But Poe's quarters also felt sort of like he imagined home would feel, comforting and familiar and generally the sort of cluttered and messy that meant it was lived in.

Of course, he should probably ask Poe, since it was entirely possible he was tired of trying to comfortably inhabit a one-person room with another person. He hadn't said anything, or even acted like this was the case, but he was generally so easy-going that Finn wasn't sure he would say anything even if it was driving him up a wall.

Since they were walking in companionable silence, but it had gotten a bit more heavy than regular silence, Poe experimented by stopping suddenly, which caused Finn to bump into his shoulder. "Penny for your thoughts?" he asked. "And before you ask, no, I don't know what a penny is. It's some crazy saying my dad has when he wants to know what I'm thinking about."

"Oh. I was just thinking...does this mean I get assigned a bunkmate now? I know it's cramped, both of us in your room, and I thought you might want it back," he added.

"Oh!" Poe said, a bit of disappointment clear in his face and voice. "Sorry, I should have said—you could request your own quarters any time. I mean, you might bunk with someone for a while, but I bet the General would give you your own room if you asked." He paused. How could he say this without giving himself away and freaking Finn out, and losing his best friend? "I don't _mind_ you in my room, though. It's—you know, it's nice having you there."

"I don't really _want_ my own room," Finn clarified. "I like yours. It's like someone actually lives in it." He managed a genuine smile, relieved that Poe didn't mind having him around.  He'd have hated to move to his own quarters only to find that the night terrors came back, with no one nearby to remind him where he was.

"Okay, great!" Poe said. "Me, too. If you want to try it out, though, if you want to try your own room, that's cool. Just let me know. Or just move out. You don’t need my permission or anything." He smiled invitingly, and then his brow wrinkled, as Finn still looked unsettled by something. "Everything okay?"

Finn nodded, then shook his head, then finally settled for something between the two.  "It shouldn't _not_ be okay," he said by way of preface, "It's—one of the other stormtroopers, another one of my fire team, he called me a traitor, and then Ren called me a traitor, and I know they don't matter and I _am_ a traitor to them and I'm glad to be, and you were only joking when you said it," he said, which was as much explanation as he could come up with.

“When I—?” Poe lost his smile, feeling a cold weight settle in his chest as he realized what he had said moments ago so casually. "Oh stars, Finn, I'm so sorry," he said, stopping him in the hall so they could face each other. "That was... _really_ insensitive of me. I didn’t even think...I—Finn, it won't happen again. I'm sorry." He waited with wistful eyes.

"It's okay, really. You didn't mean it that way...I didn't mean to make you feel awful, or anything," Finn said, putting his hands on Poe's shoulders. "It's alright, right?" he asked, "I still owe you dinner," he said with a grin.

Poe smiled at his too-forgiving friend, and clapped him on the shoulder. "Right, and—hey, Finn? Thanks for telling me that. You're my friend, and friends tell each other things like that. I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about anything, okay?"

 _Maybe take your own advice, Dameron_ , Poe thought.

Finn nodded, and they walked a little further, almost to the cafeteria door, before he had gathered together what courage he possessed to ask Finn something he'd been wondering about. "Can I ask a question?" he said hesitantly.

Poe held the door open with a warm smile, nodding for Poe to go through ahead of him. "Sure, buddy. What's up?"

"Everyone kind of acts like...well...like we're _together_ , but we're both men, so we can't be, and I don't...understand?" he asked, paused about halfway through the door.

“Uhh.” Poe froze, and only then realized the precarious situation they held in tableau: they both had frozen, Poe holding the door open for Finn like he was his _partner_ , and everyone could see them. Poe shut his mouth and opened it once, and the wheels turned. This would take a _lot_ of explaining, but hope made him giddy, even though he supposed he was about to be let down (Stars, this wasn't even _about_ him, can't the kid ask a simple—complicated—question and get a straight—or at least _passing_ straight—answer?) "Can we, um, get our food to go?" He asked, nodding at the stares they were already getting.

"Yeah... Is everything okay?" Finn asked, stepping through the door to get out of the way and heading over toward the food line.  He took one of the cartons that they used to take food out of the cafeteria and watched Poe very carefully. He didn't seem upset—maybe a little bewildered, but not upset. That seemed promising, at least.

"Yeah, totally fine, Finn," Poe said, recovering as he filled a carton full of food he knew he wasn't going to eat, and he gave him a cool smile. "That's just a long answer, and I don't want us interrupted. Want to eat outside? I know a good place."

Finn relaxed a little and nodded, "Outside is good. At least it isn't raining," he said, this time opening the door and gesturing to Poe to lead on.

Blushing at Finn holding the door for _him_ this time, Poe pressed through and led Finn down a little path to a secluded patch of grass not  far from base, but far enough. Poe took off his flight suit and laid it on the damp grass for them to sit on, and started with the beer he had grabbed. He needed something to take the edge off. "Okay, before I answer your question—which is a good one and I'm grateful you asked—I'd like to know why you think that way? I mean, okay, I mean what you know about love and sex. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess the First Order explains some things differently than what we might consider, ah, _normal_ , or left stuff out. So it would help me help you if you tell me what you already know." He smiled in what he hoped was an open and nonjudgmental way.

Finn shifted a little uneasily, taking a sip of the sugary drink he'd chosen at the cafeteria.  "Uh... I know—they taught us...well, I know _how_ people have sex, and I know that the purpose is to increase populations.  I know I had parents who had sex and that's why I'm here, and everyone else human. But we weren't allowed to—you know, do anything. If you did, if a man and woman were caught, they were considered defective." That needed no further explanation. "If we had the urge to do something, we were expected to ignore it." Not that this had necessarily stopped anyone determined enough, as far as he knew.  He took a breath and tackled love, next, of which he had a much more abstract understanding. "They taught us some people who have sex are also in love, and likely to do almost anything to keep the person they love safe, which makes couples easy to manipulate. They always said love is dangerous, and makes you weak and vulnerable.  No stormtrooper would ever admit to loving anyone or anything, not if they want to go on living."  He stared at his hands as he said all of this, half ashamed and half not wanting to see the look on Poe's face, since conversations like this often made him look unhappy.

Poe had thought he was prepared for anything, but frankly nothing could have prepared him for this. He was _angry_ , which he also hadn't expected, and it must have shown on his face, or else Finn guessed at what he thought was coming, for Finn looked ashamed.

"Oh, Finn," he said, anger melting away into something between pity and indignation—and in that moment, suddenly, full of love. "Finn, can—can I just—" he put their food aside, closed the space between them, and hugged him as hard as he could. "Kriff, Finn, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he said, holding him. Now Poe didn't know where to begin, and if he were perfectly honest with himself, this hug was to help himself, not Finn.

After a moment, he cleared his throat. "Okay, so, ah, what they taught you. It's not wrong, really. Except for the—being defective part," he spat and pulled away, giving Finn his food back and sighing as he started stabbing at his own. "So, okay, in regards to your specific question, two men _can_ , ah, be in a relationship. Love each other, have sex. I was taught that that can happen, and I—" too soon for that, "It's like being left-handed, or preferring chocolate over vanilla, some people are just different." Poe wondered how the young stormtroopers were taught these things, trying not to imagine the cheesy holovids he'd been shown in his Health classes as First Order propaganda, only with everyone wearing...masks? This was getting weird. "Did the First Order just...leave that out?"

"They said sex was only for making more people, and two men can't do that, or two women, and that's what they told anyone who asked, if anyone asked," Finn explained. And it hadn't been much of an issue when they learned about relationships and how to use them against people.  "We learned that there was love between men and women in couples and sometimes between friends that was similar and often between parents and children, but they were all similarly useful relationships to manipulate, so we didn't really consider the nuances, much." He was beginning to grasp that there might be something else to that statement—it was possible love came in different versions.

"Okay," Poe said, clenching his fists to try not to be angry again. "Okay, they're right about--love comes in lots of different forms, and all of them wonderful. I mean, I love _you_ , Finn, you know, as a friend—"

An urgent whistling interrupted him, and BB-8 whirled around a tree, his electric shock probe out and armed. [Friend-Poe, you better tell him the truth!]

Poe yelped and put up his hands in defense: "I _am_ , BB-8!" he protested.

Finn looked from Poe to BB-8 and then raised both eyebrows, the question on his face clear as day. "I'm not sure he agrees with you," he commented with a grin as BB-8 waved the shock probe threateningly, making a few irritated beeping noises. "Told you he's a menace."

"Calm your electrodes, you kriffing—ow!" Poe cried, as BB-8 zapped him anyway. "I am _getting_ to that!" He turned to Finn with a grumble. "Okay, so—I was saying—I guess I’m saying I love you. I love you enough that—if the First Order threatened you, like you said they taught you to do, it wouldn’t take me long to give them everything. So," he huffed. "You're right, it's absolutely exploitable." He took Finn's hand and squeezed it. "But _that's_ what makes us the good guys: we accept this vulnerability, this weakness, because it makes us better than the other side." He sighed and sat back. "And it's so worth it. Love is, I mean."

"That's... terrifying," Finn said, going through that same scenario in his head, but in reverse.  He felt differently about Poe than he did about Rey, and he'd been more than happy to go back to the First Order Base just to rescue her.  It was safe to say he'd do similarly desperate things if Poe were threatened. "They'd hurt you to get at me," he said matter-of-factly. "It would work," he added, just for clarity's sake.

Poe smiled sadly. "I know it's hard for you to think about it in these terms, but, for the record, I think that's kinda sweet. So, thanks." He picked at his food, wondering what he had even got, but set it aside. "Okay, so, let's forget that. What else did you want to know— _yes, I’ll get to that later, BB-8, thank you for reminding me_ ," he growled over the droid's impatient and annoyed beeps.

"I... don't understand," Finn said, confused.  "Okay, so why does everyone think _we're_ together? We haven't _done_ anything," he said, looking over at BB-8, who still look ready to zap their owner.

“Okay, so it's not... I mean, okay, let me start off with: men and women _don't just_ have sex to procreate. Far from it! Sex is fun, and it feels good. It's like—it’s arguably the best feeling, physically, and, when it's with someone you love, emotionally. Often couples try to _not_ get pregnant on purpose, and have sex just to enjoy the sex. So there's that." He took a deep breath. "Because it's so enjoyable, women have sex with women, and men have sex with men. Humans have sex with Bothans, and Wookiees have sex with Durosians. People have different attitudes about it. I personally have a pretty, ah, relaxed attitude about sex. Sorry, and of course I can only give this to you from my point of view, so you should definitely read some books or talk to some other people about this, too. So, I, ah, I've had sex with multiple partners, many of them men. On some level, I loved or cared about all of them, or else I wouldn’t have slept with them." He paused there. It felt like coming out to his dad's side of the family all over again. Would Finn be disgusted by learning this about him? "Does that bother you?"

Finn gave it some thought, some long thought, not realizing that he was probably giving Poe a heart attack. He'd been taught that men weren't supposed to have sex with other men—but he'd also been taught that love was weakness, and that a body, when no longer performing adequately, was recyclable. He'd never heard anything about people having sex because it was enjoyable. In short, he'd been taught some incorrect things, and some partially correct things, and some things not at all. By that logic, he probably couldn't trust a single thing they'd told him about relationships or sex, except what Poe had already said to be true.

"No, that doesn't bother me. Everything else they said was wrong, why should what they said about men being with men or women being with women or anyone being with anyone else be right?" he asked. "They never taught us that... You know... It was fun?  Or felt good, or anything. Wasn't like we were ever going to be having sex," he said honestly.

Poe smiled sadly at that, but gave a relieved laugh. "I'm sure lots of people would like to educate you, you know," he said with a wink, and then scratched the back of his neck, wondering how to approach this. "The pilots are assuming, because we are close friends, and because of _my_ background, that you and I are in a more-than-friends relationship," he explained. It felt good to get this off his chest, to explain everything to Finn who had unfairly been in the dark about this, but as he tried to relax, BB-8 prodded him again. There was still one thing he had to admit.

"Oh. Is that... You won't be in trouble, will you?" Finn asked.  If he would, it was at least partially Finn's fault, for being so close to Poe all the time, and for that wrestling match. His face heated up just thinking about that whole near-catastrophe.

Poe blinked. "In...trouble?" Then he realized: "Oh! Oh, no, Finn. We don't get in trouble for that kind of thing here!" he said, patting his shoulder. "Um, I mean, there's chain of command issues, like if, say, you _were_ a pilot under my command, and we were in a relationship, but—" He waved a hand: he could clarify that later if he needed to. "But no: affection, friendship, and love are encouraged among the Resistance. It makes us stronger. It makes us fight harder." He shrugged. "It makes giving your entire life to a war that can often be really shitty _worth_ it." Poe shrugged, and glanced at BB-8, who gave him the droid version of a solemn nod.

"And, ah, in the spirit of honesty, I should let you know that, ah, I _am_ _attracted_ to you, in a romantic, more-than-friends way. So I've probably been giving the pilots hints that I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry. But I don't want that to make things weird between us, so nothing has to change. Nothing should change. I value our friendship more than anything, just the way it is." He gave Finn a hopeful smile. "...Does _that_ freak you out?"

"Should it?" Finn responded, looking up from his hands to glance briefly at Poe. "Earlier, when we were sparring... I uh... I like being near you," he said, and then made a frustrated noise. How did anyone talk about these things?  What words did they use?  He hunched his shoulders forward unhappily. "I don't know how to explain it."

 _Aha_ , Poe thought, confirming what he had guessed before. "A physical reaction? It's not uncommon, and it's not bad. Maybe a little embarrassing, sometimes—only because it's supposed to be a private thing."

"I know what an erection is, Poe," Finn grumbled. "I just never got one sparring with someone before."

Poe held up his hands. "Sorry, of course. I mean, sometimes it means—or it’s because you have emotional feelings for the other person, but not always. I'm glad to answer questions, or if it's awkward, since I'm not exactly an unbiased source, BB-8 and I can find you something to read."

"Would you find me something to read?" Finn asked, partially because it _was_ awkward, and partially because he would learn faster that way, and if he forgot something he could go back and reread. Or he could take a book to Poe and ask for further explanation.

Poe smiled. "Yeah! Totally. I'll just give you my library, and point out some helpful ones. I've got some on leadership and how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people kind of books, too, which you might also find useful if you'll be training and leading our ground troops." He patted Finn on the shoulder. "I'm glad we talked about this, Finn, and I hope it helped. I want you to feel like you can ask me anything, and I want you to know I'll be honest with you." BB-8 whistled. "With BB-8's help, sometimes," he said, setting a hand on his dome and tapping out binary code to his orange friend: [Thanks for making me admit that. No more shocking.]

BB-8 trilled happily and put their shocker away, trundling over to settle by Finn companionably.


	2. Chapter 2

Several weeks later, Finn had read more books than he'd ever read in his life, as well as had some exceedingly awkward conversations with Jess, several of his fellow soldiers, and even (to his never-ending embarrassment) the General.

Now he had questions.

Poe was in his room (their room?) when he got back from throwing some young recruits all over the gym, and he paused in the doorway, chewing thoughtfully on his lower lip.  "Um, Poe?" he asked as he stepped just inside the door and stood a little uneasily, shifting from foot to foot.

The past few weeks had been hard for Poe: he couldn't help but fall more and more in love with his roommate, his _bed_ mate, and the harder he fell for the way he chewed on his lips when he was concentrating or the way he smiled brightest from his eyes, or how kind he was with new recruits and how strong he was in training, Poe came up with a new reason why it was entirely inappropriate that anything come of them—

There was this Rey girl, for one, who was still off searching for Luke Skywalker (or convincing him to come back, or training with him, or something). Finn talked about her enough that Poe knew he ought to be worried. Anyway, Finn was probably straight as an arrow, right? Nothing like growing up your whole life with a bunch of stormtroopers to turn you off of men forever. Three, Poe was significantly older than him. Four, he'd had so much more experience in _everything_ in life, that even being there for Finn's first time trying ice cream made him feel guilty, like he was monopolizing Finn's life. Five, Finn was a virgin, six, Finn was probably scared of falling in love (as he should be, if it was this bad), seven, he deserved someone who was less promiscuous, eight, he deserved a genuine _friend_ and not someone who had ulterior motives, nine, he probably only loved Finn because he rescued him, ten—

"Oh! Hey, Finn!" Poe had been staring at the ceiling lecturing himself for being a wicked old man, but he managed a smile. "What's up? Is it time for chow? Aren't you supposed to still be training?" Or had he been lecturing himself for _that_ long?

"Let the kids go early. They'd had enough of being thrown around for the day," Finn answered with a laugh, leaning against the wall inside the door. "I've been reading, and talking to people, like you told me to," he stammered. "I have a question."

"You're getting good at that," Poe said with a grin, and sat up, swinging his legs off the bed and pulling on his boots. "Shoot. What's up?"

"So I was talking to Jess," which had been an experience and a half, but he wasn't going to get into that right now, "And the first thing she asked was 'So'd you kiss him yet?' and I said no, and she just kind of... she cackled at me." He'd been a bit indignant about it, really, because he hadn't understood. He'd bristled, a little, and she'd patted his shoulder and answered his questions. "And then as I was walking away, she said, 'I hear Poe's quite the kisser' and then started cackling again," he said. She'd seemed almost a little too amused, but the pilots were sometimes like that. Finn, however, had wondered about it all the way back to the room they shared. And maybe it was because he'd been throwing recruits to the floor for a solid two or three hours, but when he wandered in and Poe was staring moodily at the ceiling, he decided he might as well ask.

Poe narrowed his eyes and stood up. "I'm going to talk to her. She shouldn't tease you like that," he said, stalking toward the door.

"Jess's teasing doesn't bother me," Finn said, reaching out to snag Poe's arm at the elbow as he went for the door. "And if it did I'd tell her to stop," he added. He wouldn't have, back when he'd first met her, but while he still hadn't developed a knack for teasing the way the pilots did it, he at least wasn't intimidated by them anymore.

Poe pressed his lips together, but Finn looked firm about this. Poe fell in love with him, watching him grow, for a reason, and he was glad his friend didn't automatically agree with him—even if Poe was still a bit livid, clenching his fists. "Still," he growled, and deflated. "Okay, sorry. I know. But she shouldn't—sorry." Now he was so close, with Finn grasping his arm, and so close he could smell him, Poe got to number ten: he was _obsessed_ with Finn, and that wouldn't be healthy for either of them. "So, wait, was there a question there?"

"I was trying to get to it," Finn answered a little shyly.  "Since um... I've never kissed anyone, and I kind of don't know the first thing about it, and Jess seemed to think maybe I should ask you about it. Would you, um..." It sounded awfully silly to just say, "I would really like to kiss you please."

Poe blinked, his eyes bugging. Had he just heard what he thought he heard, or was his fevered mind inventing this?

"Finn, I—" he stammered, mouth flapping like Admiral Ackbar's. "Um." He gulped. _Yes_! he wanted to say. _Yes now please_. And that was why he couldn't say yes. He might not stop. "I think—can I ask why?" Just tell him no, you son of a bitch, you are making this worse!

Finn made a huffy noise—Poe was making this very difficult. "Because... well, isn't that a thing?  You kiss people you love, and I still don't know a lot, but the way I feel about you is completely different from the way I feel about anyone else."

Poe felt his heart stop.

Over near the other side of Poe's bed, BB-8, who was probably charging at the wall outlet, woke up, slammed into the bedpost, made a whirring sound, and then stopped immediately and rolled quietly backwards when they saw Finn and Poe at the door. Finn dropped his forehead to Poe's shoulder for a moment and laughed. "Your droid is a menace..." he mumbled into Poe's shirt, "And also I really want to kiss you. If that's okay. If it's not, it's okay, I don't mind, but—" he stopped talking, raising his head so he could look Poe in the eyes.

"I—Finn—" Poe said, his throat going dry even as his mouth watered. His shoulder tingled where Finn touched him. Maybe this was just part of his research?

But Finn said he loved him? _Loved_ him? Poe wasn't sure what to do with that information.

Could he kiss him? Poe would probably die if he said no, but he was going to hell for this later.

"Yeah, Finn, yeah," he said, smiling warily, though his fists were still clenched. "That's...that's okay. That's—great, that's—"

"Okay then," Finn said, and interrupted Poe's running commentary by kissing him. He wasn't really sure what to do, but he was kind of hoping that Poe, who had so much more experience with this sort of thing, would do something about that. Finn pulled away after a moment and gave Poe a look that was part "Did I do that right?" and part "I know I didn't do that right so please show me."

He was dreaming. He had to be. Poe was in fact so startled by the kiss and realizing he wasn't dreaming and that this was happening that he forgot to kiss back, and Finn pulled away.

No! That wasn't how his first kiss should be! His first kiss should be the best thing in his poor little fucking messed up _life_.

"Oh, Finn," Poe moaned, and grabbed the back of his neck with one hand (he had to unclench his fists to do that), and kissed him properly this time. It was briefly possessive, hungry, and technically flawed yet passionate—but a quick taste and he _had_ to stop, or he wouldn't be able to stop. He released Finn and gasped, realizing he might already have been kissing him longer than he meant to. Oops. Finn was out of breath, too, his lips dark and wet and, oh no. Poe tried a grin. "Was it like the books said it would be?"

Finn made a quiet, borderline desperate little noise as Poe took control of the situation, the hand on the back of his head putting him where he needed to be and very briefly keeping him there. It made Finn want to melt, and he might have done so, except Poe pulled away and grinned at him—always that grin!—and asked him a question. Finn was still staring dazedly at Poe, but he managed to recall the question and answer it with only a little hesitation. "Better," he said, "No book could describe that quite right."

Poe Dameron had actually been _worried_ about that kiss, apparently, otherwise his huff of laughter wouldn't have sounded quite so relieved. "So...was that just for research?" he asked, pulling Finn into their room and shutting the door fully (he was giddy, and decided he didn't care if anyone had seen). "Or are you beginning to see why people find this enjoyable?" His head felt _clearer_ , actually, as if relieved by his internal battle between sinner and saint having a clear victor—even if it was the sinner.

"I think I'm getting some idea," Finn said, his brain still cranking through various reactions to the situation. On the one hand, there was a life of being told to love no one, and especially not other men. On the other hand, this felt safe, here, in a way maybe nothing in his life had ever felt safe. He was inclined to throw caution to the wind, since it'd worked incredibly well so far. "I think... I really think I love you. If that's okay." Maybe even if it wasn't, but he'd read about that, too, and he thought he'd be happy as long as he could at least be friends with Poe, regardless of what Poe did or didn't feel about him.  "I um... Kind of assumed it was sort of mutual? With what you said earlier, and all."

 _Of course I love you, but you're new at this, you should try loving other people_ —this was what Poe should have said. _I'm too old for you, you haven't really **lived** yet, and I might go crazy and push you further than you're ready to go_.

But Poe didn't say any of that. He pushed it away, both arms going around Finn, one hooking under his arm to hold the base of his spine, the other around his shoulders, hand on the back of his neck. "Finn," he said, and smiled, and realized he was breathing too quickly and possibly near tears. "I think I finally know what you mean about being scared to love someone. I love you so much I'm _scared_." He punctuated this with a shiver, but he used that movement to close any remaining distance between them and kissed Finn _hard_ , palming at his back and breaking only to gasp for air once or twice. When he broke away, his eyes crinkled with his smile, and he grasped Finn by the elbows to get a good look at him: his cheeks were flushed, and he looked deliciously kissable. " _Yes_ , the feeling is mutual. I love you, too. I still love you. You're my greatest friend and I want m—hell, Finn, I'll take whatever you’re willing to give me."

"I don't know what I have, except a lot of questions," Finn admitted with a helpless little laugh. But Poe knew how much he didn't know, and that didn't seem to be a problem. "And probably confusion," he added, "But... I don't really _want_ to learn how all of this works from other people."  He understood Poe's insistence that he talk to different people and read books and learn on his own, and he was glad he was giving him room to come to his own conclusions. But still... "I mean, the important things, I'd rather learn about from you. I trust you," he said earnestly, and rested his forehead against Poe's.

Poe swallowed thickly, guiding them to the bed before his knees gave out. "Finn," he said. He liked just saying his name, and laughed, giddy. "I'll take that," he said. "And you can have all of—all of me." He wiped his eyes, feeling suddenly self-conscious, and laughed again. "So. Was there anything else...important you wanted to learn about?" he wondered, his grin mischievous and a little wicked. "Or do you need further clarification on lesson one?" Okay, Dameron, tone down the schoolboy kink. "Or—I’m actually kind of hungry?" he lied, so that Finn would have a chance to step back and think about what had just happened. And so he would, too.

"Who buys dinner?" Finn joked, sitting shoulder to shoulder with Poe and maybe leaning on him a little bit. "Or maybe we could buy each other dinner!" he added with a laugh. Poe's hand was very near his, he realized when he looked over at him, and he gently wrapped his fingers over Poe's, half-smiling a little shyly. "Anyway, whether I'm buyin' or you are, food first, then clarification. Or sleep." It'd been a long day, chasing around all those recruits, and that was before he'd sparred with the four most advanced of them for three hours.

Poe nodded, standing hastily, grasping at Finn’s hands, excited for—well, anything. Excited for Finn, excited for just being with Finn. He felt stupidly young, probably because of the flutter of nervousness in his stomach. And if he was this wrecked— "You ready?" he checked, fixing Finn's collar and brushing his own hair back (though, disappointingly, his hair hadn't been touched).  

"Yeah," Finn answered, ducking his head a little as Poe fixed his collar, laying it back flat from where it'd turned up while they were kissing. He reached up and fixed a lock of Poe's hair that was now standing on end. "You're sure it's alright, though?" he asked. It still seemed too good to be true, that not only were relationships allowed here, but even encouraged—and it didn't overmuch matter who was involved. "I don't want to get you in trouble," he added, lest Poe mistake his concern for reluctance.

Poe beamed, thrilling at each innocent, inconsequential touch. "It's perfectly fine. I am so fine right now. We're all fine here. How are you?" He couldn't stop grinning, though he knew how stupid he sounded, and he couldn't stop staring into Finn's deep dark eyes, though he guessed he must look pretty stupid too.

"A little worried I'll wake up," Finn answered, and gave Poe another very short kiss before he swung the door open. "And maybe hungry, we should go eat." He kind of hoped Jess was around, since he had an answer for her now about kissing Poe.

Poe felt like he was flying, or walking on clouds, a warmth spreading through his chest as he walked beside Finn down to the mess hall, BB-8 whistling behind them, as if the little perv wanted to watch their romance unfold. He was starving, as it turned out, and heaped food on a tray, helping to serve Finn and pointing out things he should try, with many an extra touch and giggle that had everyone staring, but he didn't even care.

It turned out that Jess _was_ at the mess hall, and when Finn and Poe sat down across from her, she looked between them and then raised her eyebrows without speaking.

"He's really good at kissing," Finn said, grinning smugly as Jess laughed.

"Finn!" Poe spluttered.

Then Jessika’s expression became calculating, and she cursed.

"Problem?" Finn asked, and she shrugged. "I lose," she said, and Finn glanced over at Poe for some explanation, hoping he might have a better idea what his fellow pilot was thinking.

Poe looked around in horror as Finn told the whole table and thereby the whole world what had transpired between them. He could deal with the jibes and teasing and obnoxious congratulations, but— "You were running a book?!" He squawked at Snap, feeling betrayed.

Snap patted his chest, where there was a notepad, nervously.

"Only a small one. It only got up to 50 credits," Snap protested.

"It was only one credit to get in on the pool..." Jess added, and Snap elbowed her as he looked at the book:

"Shit, the General won!"

" _The General_?" Poe cried, feeling faint.

"What about me?" A voice said behind them, and Finn started, whipping around to see the General herself standing there with an absolutely unidentifiable look on her face. He could think of nothing to say to her, but Poe was making confused, strangled noises at the whole situation. "You...uh...won? Something?" Finn asked her, more than told her.

"50 credits, General, all yours," Jess said, tossing a bag to the general, who caught it without blinking. Finn continued gaping, wondering how she'd known what was going on. She looked at him and smiled mischievously.  "I used the Force," she told him, and at his shocked look, finally laughed and patted both him and Poe on their shoulders. "Joking. I was walking by, heard the commotion, and thought I'd make sure the recruits hadn't started another food fight."

Poe put his head in his hands, groaning and unable to cover the blush that reached his ears. He lost track of the jostling and hair ruffling he was subjected to from pilots, soldiers, and crew alike, and finally managed to meet the General's eye. "I can't believe you bet money on our _emotions_ ," he managed, sounding wounded. Leia laughed, and he continued: "How did you even know?"

"You weren't exactly subtle, Dameron." She rested her hands on Finn's shoulders. "But you take care of this young man or I'll have you running missions to the Outer Rim in a freighter."

Poe and BB-8 both recoiled in horror.

Finn was caught up in quite a lot of the pilots' joking as well, but he went very still when General Organa gave him the same look she'd just given Poe, already recoiling as well. "And you watch out for my pilot, as well, or I'll have you cleaning the recruits' toilets for the next ten years," she told him, and then he really did recoil, before grinning wickedly.

"Nothing I haven't done before, General," he said, "But I understand."

Poe snorted, and returned his head to his hands. "Finn, you are going to be the death of me. I'm going to die," he joked, though he had to admit this was warmer and friendlier than whispers and speculations about who slept with whom. With a sigh, he straightened his back, and turning, called to the General as she made off with the sack of credits. "So, General, this mean you're buying everyone a round?" As was customary, food was free, but alcoholic beverages had to be paid for and were carefully controlled—except when the General ordered, of course. The whole table went silent, expectant.

"Oh, you win this round, Dameron," she said, and four pitchers of beer eventually appeared before them.

After the general chaos had quieted down to four pitchers of beer and a single table of raucous pilots instead of various of them coming and going, Finn took the opportunity to snag a pitcher and pour some of the beer into a glass. He hadn't been paying attention, though, to how it was poured, and ended up with so much foam that he could barely find the beer at the bottom of it. Instead, he subtly switched his and Poe's glasses, so Poe had all the foam.

Poe watched Finn fondly, and gladly let the foam in his cup settle before he knocked it back. "Okay, let's try that again. Tilt the cup, and pour it slowly, he said, arms going around Finn to guide him. Across the table, Jessika cooed, and he made a rude face at her. "Do you like the taste? Some people don't like it their first try—I assume this is your first alcoholic drink?" He clinked their cups together and took a sip.

“Yeah," Finn said, but he was game for it, tipping the glass back and taking a swallow of the nut-brown beer.

He nearly spit it out.

"What," he said flatly, expecting some sort of prank, but no, Poe was drinking from the same pitcher and didn't seem even a little concerned. Finn narrowed his eyes at the beer and tried another small sip, taking time to actually taste it.

"Hmmm," he said, "It's not bad, when you're expecting it," he said finally, and took another sip.

"Yeah," Poe said, snorting at the cute foam moustache Finn was sporting. "It's not sweet, not like the sodas or teas. Not usually. Maybe I'll get you to try a cider sometime. And, ah, you know it'll make you feel a little silly, right?" The guilt reared its ugly head again as Poe worried he might get the young soldier drunk and allow him to do something he would later regret, but luckily the beer disappeared fast with everyone drinking it, so they only got a small pint each.

"Yeah, I know. There was something in one of the books you gave me about it," Finn said, "I'll be okay," he reassured Poe. He'd eaten, so he didn't even feel anything until about halfway through his pint, at which point he started feeling a little tired and loopy, like he'd been awake for way too many hours without any kind of stimulant. He leaned on Poe a little, pleasantly relaxed and full of food and surrounded by chatty pilots who kept wrangling him into their good-natured bickering.

As Finn began to look a little wobbly, Poe slid an arm around his waist, pulling him against him as he spoke animatedly with Jess. Snap looked like he was about to say something rude, and Poe shot him a dark look. "I'm pretty sure this is his first beer, I'm merely making sure he doesn't fall off this bench," he said.

Snap grinned. "Oh, oh, riiiight, suuuure you are, Dameron. Want me to give him the rest of this pitcher?"

"No!" Poe said, just as Finn turned around with his empty cup and said "Yes!" shaking it at Snap.

There was a brief moment where Finn stared Poe down and vice versa while Snap watched, still holding the pitcher of beer. "I'm okay, Poe," Finn told him. "I'm nowhere near drunk enough to cause myself problems, I promise," Finn told him solemnly. Even problems with handsome, smiling X-Wing pilots.

Poe narrowed his eyes, suspicious. But Finn seemed coherent, just merry, and Poe _wasn't his father_ so he waved a hand and, grinning, Snap refilled Finn's cup. "Is it all right if I have my arm here?" he asked in a whisper, when Snap went back up to the bar to order another pitcher with his own money. The back of Finn's head smelled good, and radiated warmth, and Poe had to stop himself several times from kissing the spot just behind his ear.

"Yeah," Finn answered, "Makes you easier to lean on," he added with a laugh, since that's exactly what he was already doing. He could happily stay here for awhile, just leaning on Poe and letting the conversation wash around him. It was seldom to the point of never that he felt he could really, truly relax, and not be on some level prepared to jump up and fight something. But Poe had told him repeatedly that he was safe here, and he'd never know if that was true unless he gave it a chance.

Poe smiled, and Snap, apparently catching that soft look in Poe's eyes, rolled his eyes and brought his beer to the other end of the table where the party was still going on, and had much more to do with beer and sabacc than Finn and Poe.

"Hang on, more beer," Jess said, excusing herself, and they were (thankfully) left alone.

Poe leaned in slightly. "You want to stay and get crazy? Today can be your first kiss and your first raging bender, if you want," he offered.

Finn thought about it for a minute and shrugged. "I think I want to actually remember this," he said, leaning his head against Poe's shoulder. That ruled out getting completely drunk, but maybe not getting a little more drunk than he was now. "But I like this."

Poe smiled, a bit relieved. In the following quiet, Poe shifted his grip, pulling Finn slightly closer, so that Finn's head brushed against his lips. "Uh—do you want to get in on the game? Or go for a walk? Or are you tired? Want me to finish your beer?"

"Not really," Finn said after watching the card game for several minutes. "We could go for a walk," he said, taking another sip of his beer. "What do you want to do?"

Poe gushed: "Spend time with you," was the only truthful answer he could give, and he blushed a bit when Finn sat up to turn to look at him. "So I'm good here, or—anywhere. But—um," he coughed, trying to rein this in. "Of course, if you'd like time apart from me to, think or, or process or whatever, that would also be cool. Wouldn't be abnormal."

Finn shrugged again. "I can think here," he said. Poe did probably have a point, that his brain hadn't quite caught up with what was happening. A lifetime of First Order teachings might still rear its head and make things very upsetting for both of them.

But Finn was determined to not let them control the rest of his life the way they'd controlled it so far.

"What'f I do something wrong?" he asked in a voice that sounded small and uncertain. He cleared his throat and tried again, "I mean...I mean, eventually I will do something wrong."

"Something wrong?" Poe whispered, squeezing him tighter. "Finn. What are you worried you'll do wrong?"

"I don't know. Things. You know, things everyone knows. I read your books, but I don't know all those things, and reading isn't the same as doing anything. I can read how to fire a blaster but that doesn't mean I can hit a target." He paused. "Except I can. Hit a target, I mean. But not other things." And apparently he got a little talkative and a little incoherent when he had beer, but he hadn't known about that until this second.

Poe turned, wrapping both arms around him and pulling Finn flat against his chest. "You're not going to mess anything up," he said easily. "At least not with me. You'll figure everything else out." He hummed into Finn's short-cropped hair. "You bucked your training and your programming without any help from anyone, Finn, and I promise that'll be the hardest thing you'll ever do: now you've got people, _friends_ , and books and droids to help you figure things out, you know? And me. You’ve got me."

"Okay, but just remember you said that when I break your nose or something because you surprised me in my sleep..." Finn half-joked, scrunching on the seat until he rested comfortably against Poe's chest. "You know, I said I wasn't tired, but actually..." He trailed off as there was a surprised shout from the card-playing table. Iolo held up a hand with cards, apparently playing keep-away from Karé, who was trying to drag his elbow down. No one seemed to be even remotely concerned that it might get out of hand, even when Iolo practically lifted Karé off her feet.  "Take it that happens regularly," Finn commented.

“Like you wouldn't believe," Poe said with a slight groan. "Let's take this opportunity to escape," he suggested, finishing the last of Finn's drink, to save him from himself. He stood, then offered Finn his arm, though once he thought about it, that was maybe a weird offer to someone who had never been on a date before ("here, take my arm like when you were a stormtrooper and I was your prisoner") (which, okay, under other circumstances, could be kinky, maybe), and instead offered him a hand to help him up. "Let's go back to the room, then," he said, taking both of their trays to the drop-off and stacking the cups for someone else to bus.

"Anybody ever get injured?" Finn turned to take one last look at the loud group of pilots before following after Poe. He bumped into his shoulder softly, not enough to even knock him off-balance but enough to maybe make him smile. "The recruits have some kind of thing in the morning tomorrow that I have nothing to do with, and then I get to watch them spar all afternoon... And hopefully keep everyone from putting eyes out," he commented idly.  It was nice, actually, having something to do that made him feel useful, and he enjoyed helping the recruits find their footing in the controlled chaos that was the base. "But you and me could spar, sometime, when the mats aren't busy?" he asked, having forgotten how that first round of sparring had ended, and why. "I need someone to practice with someone who I can't just toss around the room because they're not paying attention."

Poe raised his eyebrows. "You think rather highly of me, but sure. Any time I'm not on duty," he said, putting an arm around Finn's shoulders. "But I think you _like_ it when I pin you to the mat, don't you?" he teased, breathing hot in Finn's ear. Maybe, Poe thought guiltily, he was getting a little _too_ relaxed.

"Doesn't mean I'm going to just let you beat me..." Finn said, neither confirming nor denying how he felt about Poe pinning him to the mat (except that just thinking about it made his face heat up a little bit and his stomach do a weird little fluttery feeling). He grinned wickedly and turned his face just enough to kiss the tip of Poe's nose when they stopped in front of his quarters.

Poe snorted at that, and twitched as Finn kissed his nose: what a flirt! Maybe he really had been paying attention to his books—or else he was just a natural. Poe suspected it was the latter, and his grin was a bit predatory as he followed Finn into their bedroom and shut the door. "It would be no fun if you _let_ me win," he said, and crowded Finn against their bed. "So can I kiss you again?"

Finn turned as he heard the door close behind them, letting Poe crowd into his personal space even though he wasn't entirely sure when his grin had gone from sweet to something that was more akin to the look he'd given him when they'd been sparring. He shivered a little when the bed bumped the back of his legs, and he nearly lost his balance—only the grip Poe had on him kept him from falling. For a moment, he wondered if this intimidated him at all, and decided that it didn't, not even a little bit. "Please do."

Poe huffed giddily, almost unbelieving, and resolutely telling himself that this was going to be _just_ kissing, but damn it if he wasn't going to kiss the hell out of this beautiful soldier. "It'll be a bit more comfortable if we do this on the bed," he said, giving Finn a little nudge and guiding him to the mattress, flat on his back. It would be a bit lewd to straddle his waist (like he so desperately wanted to do), so Poe kept this chaste, kneeling to one side and hardly touching him as he bent down to capture his lips in a soft, blushing kiss. "That all right?" he whispered, knowing he left Finn wanting more.

Yeah," Finn said, marveling at the absolute gentleness of the kiss Poe gave him, completely different from the one earlier. He found Poe's hand with his own and laced their fingers together before sitting up just enough to give Poe his own, slightly awkward kiss in return. This time, he tipped his head slightly, just enough that their noses didn't bump each other, and found that was... infinitely better, actually.

Poe grinned. "See? Just keeps getting better and better," he said, kissing Finn again with more depth, more love, more tongue, pausing only for short gasps of air. He squeezed their fingers together and with his other hand he cupped the side of Finn's face, partially to guide him but more so to find what kinds of touches, if any, made him feel good. Soon he was kissing Finn's neck, and before he knew it his hand was at the buttons on Finn's shirt, and that made his mind reel.

Finn found that, no matter how much he loved Poe, and how much he trusted him, he was really not entirely comfortable when he kissed his neck (though he was pretty sure Poe had been close to his neck when they were sparring). In fact, he really just wanted to kiss him some more, go back a few steps because he'd been enjoying that, and hadn't thought nearly so hard while it'd been happening.  He was about to tactfully try to steer things back that direction when Poe touched the buttons on his shirt. Not expecting it, Finn tensed more than he'd intended, his subconscious reacting the way it'd always done when he was about to say something someone else might not like—by preparing him to either run or fight.

Poe already knew he was taking this too far, but Finn going tense beneath him confirmed it. He sat up, wanting to kick himself. "Shit, Finn, I'm sorry," he gasped, raising his hands where Finn could see them. "I—sorry, I was going too far. I got carried away. Won't happen again." His brow wrinkled. "I didn't scare you, did I?" He sat back on the bed, crossing his legs under him to give Finn some space, and he helped pull Finn into a sitting position.

To Finn's surprise, Poe stopped before he had a chance to say anything. And he didn't seem even a little annoyed at the situation, which actually...didn't surprise Finn at all, now that he thought about it. He tried a small smile as Poe pulled him upright. "No, I just—my neck, I didn’t—and then I thought you'd be annoyed." He shook his head ruefully, "But of course you're not, because you're amazing, and patient."

"Sorry, sorry," Poe said, taking Finn's hands and squeezing them between his own. "No, I’m not annoyed. And _you're_ the patient one!" he chuckled nervously, and kissed Finn's fingertips. "Um—this seems like a good time to have the Boundaries talk? And the, ah—the What We Are To Each Other talk?" Poe waited, unsure if Finn knew what he meant by either of those things, but continued: "Like, we can say just kissing for now, just on the lips—or, the face, or something, whatever you like, whatever feels good. And you can tell me when you'd like to go further, yeah?"

"I don't mind if you kiss my neck. You surprised me, is all. But...slower is a good idea. I liked it when you were kissing my face," Finn answered, "And I really, really like holding your hand," he added, looking down at their clasped hands and squeezing Poe's gently.

Poe's face shone with love, smiling to the crinkles around his eyes. "That's good, because I like those things, too. And I like that you're honest with me. I'm _grateful_ we're talking about this." He kissed Finn's hands again, small pecks on two fingertips. "Do you like this?"

"You're holding my hand _and_ kissing my fingers, of course I like that," Finn said, as if this were one of those facts of life that just _were_ : sky was blue, Poe Dameron was the best X-Wing pilot, and Finn liked when Poe held his hands and kissed his fingers.  "And you?  Doesn't everyone have boundaries?" he asked, although it was possible he was unlikely to ever find them, given his own lack of experience.  Still, he was determined to make as much of an effort at this as Poe...and it made him feel like he was doing something other than just being inept.

Poe blinked. He hadn't been asked that in a long time, and it was very sweet. "You know, I—I don't know," he said, stunned and stammering because of Finn's caring, and he felt his face heat up slightly. "I just—nothing we're gonna get to for a while, let's just say that," he said with a laugh. "So—can I ask what you want this to be between us? I know you read material on this, so would you like to be...boyfriends? Partners? We don't have to label it, either, if you'd rather not. It's mostly a matter of...if we want to be exclusive. I mean, I'm not seeing anyone, and wasn't planning on it." He was babbling, realizing this was going in a painful direction. "And you've got Rey. Of course. She told me you two were close, so—" he looked up. "When she gets back, I want you to know I won't get in the way. And I won't love you any less for wanting to explore things with her. She seems like a great girl."

"I...can't even think of anyone else I'd be with," Finn said, trying to decide if telling Poe he was really the only one he _trusted_ enough to be in love with would be awkward, or otherwise strange.  Maybe he was supposed to trust more people? And he did, but not like he trusted Poe, and he didn't feel the same way about any of them as he did about Poe, either.  "We _act_ like boyfriends," he said reasonably, having thought for a moment, and then frowned in concern, "But—what makes you think you'd be in the way? Rey is great, I like her more than...you know, Jess or any of the soldiers who are my friends, and maybe I love her, but it's...different?...than how I love you," he said, wishing he had the words to explain this coherently.

Poe let out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding, and it accompanied a shaky laugh. That was good news for him, anyway! But Finn was still exploring his whole world and love and girls—and _really_ , the guy should have a chance to experience girls!—so he was going to just take this a day at a time. That's all any of them could ever do. "That...that makes me real happy, Finn," he said, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "But we can talk again after you and her talk," he said with an easy shrug. "I'd like to be your boyfriend, if you'd like that. Hell, you already _told_ everyone," he teased. He even wanted to call his father and let him know, though it was probably a bit early for that.

Finn grinned a little wickedly.  "I'm pretty sure they would have figured it out. The general said you are _not_ subtle." He gave Poe a quick kiss, and added, "And really, all I did was tell them we kissed." He looked over at the table next to Poe's bed, and the clock that was there. At least he didn't have to be on duty first thing in the morning... "Which, um. We could do again? Before it gets late and we both have to go to sleep?"

Poe threw his head back and laughed. "No, I'm not subtle, but that’s hardly fair. The General and my parents were friends, so she's like a mother to me sometimes—which, yes, is weird." He smiled up at Finn's suggestion. "Okay, how about we switch it up, then? I lie back, and you control the kissing. Try out what you like, and figure out what you don't like." Finn looked unsure, so Poe took his hand. "You won't mess this up. You _can't_. You could kiss my elbow and it would make me shiver at this point because I'm so in love with you right now." He grinned and settled back, putting his arms behind his head and looking smug.

Finn was about to jokingly kiss Poe's elbow, just to see if he was actually serious, when he realized Poe's shirt sleeve had inched up to reveal a strip of skin and the edge of what must have been a tattoo. He knew there was one on his shoulder, but, "Hey, you know I never got a good look at your tattoos?" he asked, brushing his fingertips over the one on his shoulder.

Poe bit his lip, and he couldn't help the small thrill at being the object of Finn's attention. "Oh? I guess you haven’t," he said. It was a bit odd that he hadn't been shirtless in front of Finn yet (not since the pool where they were focused on other things, but he was _sure_ he had. Maybe he was being self-consciously modest before they were officially...something? That sounded like something he'd do). "You want to see?" he asked, and when Finn nodded, he rolled over on the bed and tugged his shirt off.

"It's your X-Wing, right?" Finn asked softly, not thinking as he traced the line of Black One's nose where it dipped over Poe's spine at his lower back. "And those are BB-8’s markings," he added, noticing the circular designs over the back of each shoulder. Scattered here and there within the X-Wing and droid patterns were symbols—mostly of the Resistance and old Rebellion symbols. Black One, the largest thing by far in the whole tattoo, was drawn as from above, its wings wrapping around Poe's ribs.  Finn would have had to stare forever, he thought, to catch all of the intricacies. In one of BB-8's circular markings across his shoulder, there was a small name, and on the other shoulder in the same place, a different name, neither of which he recognized.

"Yeah, Black One and BB-8. Pretty cheesy, huh? I'm only a little obsessed, I promise." Poe craned his neck to see Finn's reaction, and he was glad to see he wasn't the only one blushing. Finn's fingertips tracing the patterns felt like—well, like he expected the Force felt. Like a warm, sentient energy. It felt good. "You can keep doing that—with your fingers—as long as you want. Feels good." It was hard not to moan.

"These are names, right?" Finn asked, running his fingers over the two names he'd found. "I almost didn't notice them," he added, his fingertips following the curve of the BB-8 design where one of the names was nested. It intersected with the X-Wing, and he followed that line all the way to where a wingtip disappeared around Poe's ribs, probably wrapping around to the front.  The designs were perfectly symmetrical, except for the differences in the names that he'd found. Finn wondered just how many people in the known galaxies could manage such perfect precision—it couldn't have been many, certainly.

"They're, ah, names, yeah," Poe said, blushing partly at that, and partly at the fact that Finn was as good as his word and was tracing each design, all over his back and sides and shoulders and it felt _heavenly_. "People I want to remember, you know, that I lost. My mom. Ah, friends I lost." He was running out of space for the names as this war dragged on. He didn't mention one name, kind of hoping Finn wouldn't find it, but he didn't expect to be that lucky.

As he traced the intersecting designs, Finn found more names, and paused each time to look at them until he could make out the letters of each. There were a heartbreakingly large number of them, he realized. For just a moment, he rested a palm on Poe's lower back and bent to press a kiss between his shoulderblades, which made Poe sigh. "I'm sorry there are so many," he said sadly. As he resumed tracing the lines, he found a name that had no match on the other side, out along one of the wings of Black One. "Isn't that... um...?" he started, a little confused.

Poe hissed as if that spot burned. "Yeah," he said. "Sorry, I—it's kind of...weird. My parents knew General Organa since before I was born, so it was only natural that her son and I grew up together. It's—it’s just easier to think of him as _dead_ , rather than as...Kylo Ren. There was nothing left of Ben Organa-Solo when we were in that interrogation chamber together, I can tell you that," he ground out bitterly, clenching his fists, but the sight of Finn's face pinched in worry made him relax. "Hey, but it's okay. It happened. I'm okay." He cupped Finn's chin with one hand, rolling partially back to face him. "Now he's marked both of us I guess—but we survived," he said.

"Han called him that. Ben, I mean," Finn said. It was hard to think of Ren as anyone other than the ruthless general who had, among other things, ordered stormtroopers to kill the innocent citizens of that tiny village on Jakku. But he'd been a child once—Han and Leia's child—and Poe's friend.  "I'm sorry you lost him," Finn said, touching Ben Organa-Solo's name with the same reverence he'd touched the others.

"I'm sorry you had to _live_ with...the other guy," Poe said, leaning in for a kiss. "But forget about him. We should go back to what you were doing before," he suggested with a self-indulgent grin. "Unless you wanted to talk about...us, or anything." He rested his head on one hand and tried to banish any lingering sadness with his most charming smile.

Finn smiled and shook his head fondly. "The kissing, or the part with the tattoos?" he asked, putting a hand on Poe's shoulder and brushing his thumb back and forth over his collar-bone. "Or both?"  He stretched out facing Poe, his mirror-image, and rolled forward to kiss him.  It was still a little awkward, and a little fumbling, but once he stopped worrying so much what he was doing and how, he relaxed, smiling happily as he rested a hand on Poe's ribs to balance himself.

"Oh, right!" Poe exclaimed excitedly. "You were going to kiss me to figure out what kinds of kisses you liked," he said, rolling onto his back and pulling Finn on top of him. "I'm waiting!" he said playfully, though he was flushed down to his chest.

Finn found himself laying half on top of Poe, nose to nose with him while they both grinned. "You're blushing," Finn told him, resting their foreheads together briefly. He kissed him again, at first much like he'd just done, but then a little more insistently, trying out the same tactic Poe had used earlier, though with a hesitance that Poe had lacked. It made him a little giddy, really, and gave him a kind of shivery feeling all over—especially in his stomach.

"Mm," Poe said, practically purring. He laid his hands lightly on Finn's arms, holding him, but not directing him, glad to let his beautiful friend explore. Poe was naturally vocal _anyway_ , but he was careful to make clear the sounds of pleasure he made each time Finn touched him or kissed him—though he didn't have to amplify those sounds for long, as he was very quickly carried away by Finn's tentative, timid kisses turning into deep and searching possessive ones. "Hhhnnghh, Finn," he groaned, wanting him to know how well he was doing, how _good_ Finn was making him feel, "so good, you kiss so good."

Finn pulled back a short distance to give Poe a slightly confused look at all the noise he was making. But he was clearly not complaining, so Finn kissed him again. "Can I kiss your neck?" he asked.

"Yes, ohh yes," he sighed. "Please." He lifted his head, however, when Finn stopped. "Hey, am I doing something wrong? You okay?"

"I'm great, I was just...worried _I_ was doing something wrong," Finn said, smiling before he kissed Poe's neck, scattering kisses from his jaw to his collarbone. “You’re making noises.”

"No, no. Those are good noises. Goooood—ohh—noises," he gasped into the kisses, tracing his own fingertips over Finn's arms, through the warm leather of his old worn jacket.

With one hand on his chest, Finn could feel Poe's heartbeat, and after a moment, distracted from kissing, he rested his ear softly where his hand had been and went very quiet.

Poe paused when Finn paused, and was about to ask if everything was all right again when Finn suddenly laid his head on his chest, to listen to his heartbeat. Poe gasped and then froze, like a butterfly had landed on him and he didn't want to frighten it off. It struck him, suddenly and painfully, that Finn had probably never heard the heartbeat of another person before, not since he was in his mother's womb, and how fucking awful that was. Poe leaned his head back and blinked away the threat of tears, and laid a hand on Finn's head. "I love you," he said after a moment, when he couldn't keep it in any longer.

Finn sighed happily, listening still to Poe's heartbeat—and then the sound of his voice. "I love you, too," he said softly, trying not to drown out the sound under his right ear. It was a steady, constant sound, one louder thump followed by a softer one, with a brief silence between them. Finn squeezed Poe's upper arm, where his hand rested, trying to tell him without words what he _felt_ , and closed his eyes to listen better. He sort of realized that he'd relaxed and was falling asleep about two minutes later, but he was too comfortable to want to move, especially since he'd lose Poe's heartbeat if he did so.

Poe waited, figuring Finn was drifting off, and he smiled, allowing it to happen. With two beers in him and a busy day, it was no wonder, and Poe began petting his hair and the back of his head fondly. He realized after half an hour or so—when BB-8 trundled in to charge, and informed him of the time—Poe hissed at them to turn their volume down—that Finn was still fully dressed: they both were. He sat up, rolling Finn into his lap, and he gently helped ease Finn out of his jacket, and then his shoes and finally his trousers. Laying Finn back to the bed and tucking blankets around him, Poe shimmied out of his flight suit before rolling back against him.

He had meant to talk about new sleeping arrangements (could they cuddle now? was that okay? Poe fucking loved cuddling), but before Poe could make a decision, Finn shifted in his sleep. "C’mere," he grunted, and latched onto Poe's chest, settling when he heard his heartbeat again. Poe thanked the Maker for Finn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This work is part of a series, "Stars and Skies," which we hope you'll also check out (and subscribe to or bookmark, as we'll keep adding to it). Comments make our day so please drop us a line to let us know what you think!
> 
> We borrow a lot of fanon from all over Tumblr and AO3, and quite a few people draw and write Poe with tattoos, but [this art](http://trailsofpaper.tumblr.com/post/136535842413/okay-lets-be-real-their-first-kiss-should-be) is where we first got the idea. 


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